By Mfon Michael.
We’ve all been there. It’s January 1st, the air feels slightly more within reach and we’ve convinced ourselves that by February, we’ll be 6:00 AM runners who only eat greens and never procrastinate.
But by mid-January, that “New Year, New Me” energy often turns into “New Year, Same Stress.”
When our ambitious goals hit the reality of a cold Tuesday morning, our mental health is usually the first thing to pay the price.
This year, let’s try something a bit radical: Setting goals that actually make you feel better, not just look busier.
Most of us fall into the trap of the “All-or-Nothing” mindset, which makes most new year’s resolutions fail because they are built on shame rather than sustenance. We look at what we dislike about ourselves and try to fix it with brute force.
When we miss a day at the gym or slip up on a diet, the internal critic kicks in. This creates a cycle of:
Hyper-motivation (The High)
Inevitable slip-up (The Trigger)
Self-criticism (The Mental Health Tax)
Giving up (The Crash)
There are some ways to rebuild your goals for better mental health. I will share a few i think might help If you want to protect your peace while still leveling up, you may want to consider these shifts in perspective:
- Prioritize ‘easy-to-start’ goals: Instead of saying “I will pray and meditate for 30 minutes,” set a goal to sit in silence for two minutes. A easy-to-start goal makes it impossible to fail, which keeps your dopamine levels steady and reduces “performance anxiety” around your own life.
- Focus on Addition, Not Subtraction: Instead of “stopping” bad habits (which creates a sense of deprivation), try “adding” nourishing ones. Add a 10-minute walk. Add one extra glass of water. Add one chapter of a book. It feels like a gift rather than a punishment.
- The “Vibe” Check: Ask yourself: Does this goal make me feel expansive or constricted? If the thought of your resolution makes your chest tight, it’s not a goal, it’s an obligation. True growth should feel like opening a window, not locking a door.
Success in the New Year isn’t about hitting a specific number on a scale or a bank balance. Real success is resilience. It’s the ability to have a “bad day” without letting it turn into a “bad month.”
Your mental health is the foundation. If you build a skyscraper of goals on a foundation of burnout and self-loathing, it will tip over.
Build the foundation first.
Tip: If you find yourself spiraling because you haven’t met your January expectations, remember that the calendar is arbitrary. You are allowed to “restart” your year on February 14th, April 3rd, or a random Thursday in June.